


Absolution

by ElDiablito_SF



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Obscure obscurity, Poetic License, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-07
Updated: 2013-12-07
Packaged: 2018-01-03 22:41:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1073893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElDiablito_SF/pseuds/ElDiablito_SF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where do I begin to even look for forgiveness?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Absolution

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Davechicken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/gifts).



> Look what you made me do. I hope you're happy. 
> 
> (Purposefully obscure and open to interpretation because fuck Season 9 and I do what I want.)

Come, my love. Let me lay you down on hallowed ground. The stars above are millions of angels’ Graces, gone supernova, and the earth is alive and breathes fires from the Beast’s belly. And we are alone. Let my lips speak secrets against your lips, let them fall from my mouth like a thousand kisses, and by brushing your ears let them turn into birds. Let me sing to you.

You weren’t mine yet when we sealed our first deal, but I was already yours.

“Bind me,” you said. Because you didn’t want to flee, and you wanted me to take away your ability to struggle. That’s what you asked of me, so I bound you in chains. Wrought iron over the smooth, supple expanses of your vessel’s skin. So rough against the downy soft hair of your thighs, where my hands caressed you before I knew what it meant to caress. 

I put you in chains, and I pressed kisses as hot as Hephaestus’ cauldron against your skin, my lips suckling on the tender nubs of your nipples. Your breath hitching, telling me what you would never tell me in words. So proud, my love, my Castiel. Bound in chains and radiant as the sun. Let me be your Icarus. Let me circle closer to you until my own wings are immolated by your flames. Already leathery and covered in the ashes of Hell, but still, they strain towards you.

I took you then, but I did not love you yet.

I was inside you, feeling the tremors of your Grace in the trembling of your thighs. My tongue lapped at the drops of sweat dripping down the planes of your magnificent body. My teeth pressed into your flesh, the nape of your neck, the dip of your collarbone, the tendons stretched out from your vertebrae. And you cried out in ecstasy, loud enough for all of Hell to tremble, for Heaven was locked away from you. I had done this. You were boneless against me, a rag doll in chains, and that was when I kissed you, at last. And so began my own Fall.

Your eyes are as blue as the waters in the Grotto Azzurro. How I have missed their perilous shine. Lay down with me, Castiel, and let me tell you another story.

I did not want to Fall. Perhaps for a Demon to Fall means to Rise, and you made me rise, all right, and I have ever been the King of Dirty Puns. We were so similar you and I, but my stupid angel would not see it. Both lost, belonging to neither of our homes, both fighting. I did not touch you again, neither with my hands nor my lips, for I have ever been a Fiend of my word. Only with my eyes. But I was weak, mistaken, had grown accustomed to the sight of you. And there were times when, keeping my eye on the goal, I let myself forget who you really were, and let you become the man in my arms again.

There, you were safe. My shackles had freed you from yourself. And I could feel it, coursing out of you, out of your pores with your salty-sweet sweatdrops. Your eyelashes were moist from unshed tears and you said, “Please,” and my own thighs trembled pressed up against yours. And you said, “More,” and shut your eyes because you hated loving it, and I drank that word from your lips too, like the ambrosia that it was. There, you were just a man. And when I spent in you, I stayed, pressed against your back, feeling the beating of your vessel’s buoyant heart. You were so beautiful and I watched slowly as my own juices dripped out of your hole, and I lapped them up too because it was as close as I had been allowed to get to Heaven in a very long time. 

And then you said, “Flee or die.” And I fled. 

Only you found me. And you said, “I have plans for you,” and I had to bite my tongue again. I’d rather have bitten yours. 

You treacherous beauty, how I miss the shadow of your wings. 

How I wanted to stab you back then, with your angel blade perhaps, but the same way I had stabbed you with my cock. Right into your perfidious heart.

It was then that I knew I had loved you. 

Come, my fallen bird, fall into my arms. Let me run my fingers through your feathers. The shadows around your eyes are just tiny capillaries, too close to the surface of your all-too-human skin, but to me they look like entire galaxies. Circling.

It is dark in the church, and everything hurts. I say, “Where do I begin to even look for forgiveness?” 

But not with you. I was true to you. 

You keep coming and going. You threaten and recede. I watch you disappear, I mourn your death, yet you return to taunt me. With your stupid trench coat and your angel blade held aloft, and I want to scream.

_I don’t care, I don’t care! Stop fighting. Take. Take everything. Only tell me this. Tell me I’m not crazy. Tell me you feel it too._

I licked your blood off my hand and I tasted fear. I could see it in your eyes when I was inside you (it wasn’t the appendage I would have preferred, but beggars can’t be choosers): you still knew me. You knew that I loved you. You knew it had become personal.

I wanted to be there. To hold you while your Grace slowly bled away. To watch the light flame out of your eyes, to feel your wings burn charred shadows into my own skin. But you fled again. And how I railed against the Universe, against everything, against you, against _them_. And now I am here and you...

I didn’t want to hurt you, Castiel. I would have kissed the blood off of your lips myself if I had thought for a moment that you could love me back.

This isn’t the poison in my veins talking, the blood of the shriven man. Come, lay down next to me. I have loved you longer than I can remember now. I’m at the place where everything bleeds, time is nothing but a gust of snow flurries, melting against my skin as soon as it lands there. Your flesh is human, but your soul is still Divine. Let me kiss away the tears as they fall from your eyes.

“I’m afraid,” you tell me. But there is no reason to be afraid, for I am here to protect you.

Let me wrap my arms around you, and feel the warmth of your skin against my own. Let me be your guardian demon. I will build a fortress around you with my bones, I will fill the moat to it with my own blood, but I will keep you safe.

“I’m here,” I reply, and it must be enough because you are asleep in my arms. And you deserve to be loved. We deserve to be loved.


End file.
